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Does It Feel the Same

I know how you can be after one month being in love.
I know how can you be caring and passionate and sweet and present for the person you love.
You surely see her like a goddess as you used to see me.
She must be the most beautiful creature in the universe for you.
As you used to think I was.
She surely is prettier than me in your eyes right now, as I was prettier than the other girls you had in your eyes one year ago.

The difference is that this time it is true.
This time you will maintain all the promises you are surely making her.
And you won't break none of them, this time.
Why this is going to happen with her and not me...I don't know.

This time, if everything goes according to plan,
you have something easy, something next-door.
No drama across Europe, no skype relation, no travelling,
no complicated girlish stuff on the phone.

I am sure, you can actually marry her in a year or so.
After all, it is all a game for you.
Marrying could be the simplest of the simple pleasures.
The idea of having someone there to talk to when you need it,
without fearing of losing her.
If everything goes smoothly,
You can actually marry her, why not?
If she makes you feel good,
if you are reasonably in love,
if you can enjoy simple pleasures next-door with her,
why not?
If she never tries to look deep inside you,
and she lets you preserve that hidden, untouchable corner of unhappiness you have inside,
sure, why not?

And I, I was a fool, I thought you were different.
I thought you wanted something more than trying hard to be happy.
As if it is entirely something you can build up on your own.

Will you ever miss the marriage proposal you've always said you had in mind for me?
Will you recycle the same one for her?
Or you'll play other cards?

All the things you say to her,
all the promises,
all the texts, emails, songs,
you surely send her,
all the happiness of having her replying to you
does it feel the same of what we used to have?

Does it feel the same,
isn't it a deja-vu instead?

What you said to me was perfect.
Doesn't you feel weird to say the same perfect things to someone else?
And if you don't say the same things, how can you not miss that perfection?
How can you accept something different?
Doesn't it seem weird to say the least,
to have other eyes, other lips, another body to listen and react to the same words?

Can something repetitive give the same emotion twice?
And if not the same emotions, how can they be greater if ours were, you used to say, the most powerful?
And if they are less strong, how can you be satisfied with just 'less'?
You'll surely say emotions are just different...different doesn't justify a thing, it is just an excuse for cover-up.

All those times you opened up to me, all those emails containing all your heart-felt emotions...
are you sending her those emails too?
Will you?
Will you make up other stories for her?
Will you ever need to realize those plans you and I used to make for the future?

Does she understand you like I tried to?
Does she believe in you like I did?
Does she inspire you to write as I did?

But I guess, all this doesn't matter,
as long as you can act the careless mind in a careless world.
As long as you can omologate, as long as you can wear your sparkling clothes just to remind yourself, from time to time, that there used to be something kicking to come out inside you, which made you different from the whole worlds.
There was. Once upon a time.

As long as you can feel normal, talking about cars, listening to U2, going to concerts, meeting friends, having a girlfriend to whom you can make love to, sleeping alternatively at your and her place, a girl there to text to just to tell her your thoughts and with whom you can live a situation of 'vicinity'.

As long as you stop questioning yourself about the true meaning of love, our love, your life, your expectations.
As long as you lower your standards, as long as you accept mediocrity, as long as you cut off strong emotions, everything is gonna be alright.

As long as you care enough to be mildly in love, no greater things are needed, no greater love like our love that could conquer all, remember?

You will never be able to cut compeltely off the need you have for greatness. That is your problem, you will always be unhappy, because of that.
You want so much to have a normal life, with normal and simple pleasure, that you miss the point.

Does it feel the same without me next to you all your life, does it feel the same when that life was all you said you'll always wanted, all you envisioned for yourself?
Or do you invent for her now another parallel life, diverse but the same, another parallel future that with her now, is all you ever wanted, all you envisioned for yourself?


WAS MY PURPOSE IN YOUR LIFE
JUST TO PREPARE YOU FOR YOUR TRUE LOVE?

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