Just Maybe Forse Ciao

The season has ended. With a lazy party girl, Hangover just not to think about what happens next.                          There will be time now, To collect the memories of those moments lived without really thinking, There will be time to erase those too beautiful to live with. There she sees herself, in front of Lake Ohrid, In love with the lights on the water and in love with a mirror of herself. Inspired and renewed, all her energies finally free again, Finally, not too much this time. And there she was again, burnt by the sun in Greece, Where she felt still in a haze because she had not been really seen for a while And she hoped, she simply hoped she was being seen this time. The South of Italy has finally been merciful with her, Giving her the time to take in all that had happened previously, Giving her the time to miss those who she missed and time to de...

For every kindred spirit I find, In East Europe Or in Tuscany Or in the disguised realm of my heart, I am bound to lose them, Lose them all, Or change them into something different, into something less Or more, or unacceptable,  for me. Or for them. And we are all in the same trap in the end, All in the same revolting scene, Playing roles and bound to step back. Because kindred spirits Are meant to destroy one another If they cannot love each other. Cause in the end you have to choose who you let walk away,  who you let stay. And it is clear for me, it is not love the answer, It is not even faith anymore, moving my prayers, to my travelling around Europe, Just to be seen for who I am Which is not enough. Not enough, To keep curiosity alive, To keep the conversation going, When all I should do is to leave unsaid things unspoken Not to spoil the fun, Cause fun is all they can have after all. When I said ‘I am almost ready’ And instead he meant ‘let go’ And I ...

You walked by my side, and you suddenly said 'You'll die' 'If you help me I'm sure I'll be rescued'. But not a word betrayed what you were really thinking not a word. You left, just an actor of yesterday. And today, don't say a word to me, you left your country to live by a foreign sea, and you left everything behind, everything but her, by your side now as I could never be. I couldn't wish for you to live like that repeating your scheme until you get it right. And you got it right this time, the same scheme I destroyed you got it right, because she made it easier, you made it easier. And your need to walk away, hoping to be rescued, while things around you die, you need to run away, get away of that country, you couldn't bear to face your failures anymore, your needs anymore, overwhelming because there was no room in yourself for yourself, something more than you ever wished for, something I took away a long t...

 Sometimes there are movies that do no enchant you or carry you away and apart from entertaining you they don't really mean a thing. But sometimes, even those movies speak directly to your heart and soul, the speak your language and you find words said on the screen that you couldn't have said better yourself. Words that belong to you in a way that it makes you feel dizzy. And that is what happened to me yesterday with 'Eat, Pray, Love' with lovely Julia Roberts and that is also why I took the book, written by Elizabeth Gilbert, to  read some passages and there we go, myself explained in the lines. *************** "I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have my everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time-- everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of t...

The great pretence that everyone puts in place when a story begins is the main obstacle to let the story really begin. People are too often not patient enough to wait until that pretence is gone, to wait for the mask to fall, and are too quick to judge that person as unstable, crazy, indifferent, when, in reality, they just don't know each other enough. It happens too often that people think they know what is going on in someone else's mind, they think they know how he/she will react, what he/she will say, do, not do and expect the worse as they have always done or believe in the best as they have always done. And they provoke reactions that they don't want, in a chain of misbehaviour that doesn't belong neither to one nor to the other making it even harder to get to know each other to the bone.  ****************************** The most difficult time is the time you are waiting for the carriage to go to the Ball, the longest hour is the one when you dress up...

It took me a while to learn how everyone, literally everyone, could stab me to death, and then leave me there to bleed without even caring to finish me. I know now, that it doesn't matter, how long I have been knowing you, it doesn't matter at all. You can kill me as others have done before you, because - and that is my fault - I am not making it difficult, I am making it way too easy for everyone to kill me. The thing I didn't know yet, is that there is a time after the stabbing, the bleeding, the pain, when I get up and start again, to give people the chance to love me or to kill me. Because maybe risking to fall is the only way for me to live, to feel alive, to free emotions. And after the stabbing, the bleeding and the getting up again and again, I discover that I don't want to count the days until I get killed again, maybe it is time to make the days count, because I cannot avoid the killing sometimes, the bleeding, the tears. I can s...

When you love with all your heart, you have to be prepared to lose it, lose it all. And when it's all done, don't look puzzled because your heart is gone, it was part of the deal, you love with all the intensity of your heart, but you are betting on it, you are trading it for the strongest love you could feel, and in that moment you don't care that you are trading your heart, trading it all, you just want to feel that love, you need it, you think you deserve it. When everything ends, when that love you wanted so bad failed its mission, you wonder how can you have your heart back, it seems to be gone with him, with all the tears you cried, it seems it was killed, and you are the killer, you are, not him, not anyone else. There is no way you can have it back the more you try, the more you won't have it back. And even if you do, with all the pain, the tears, the drama you put on the plate, that won't be the heart you thought you had, after such...

Some people kill without even knowing and then they regret it and want to take it back, but in the meanwhile she has started dying. They inflict wounds, with the little stupid things that she shouldn't care about, but she does care about instead, gesture of indifference, words not said, missed calls, secrets that they keep from her, that kill some parts of her, some little parts of her covered with all her insecurities, distress, a sense of past, all her fears for the future. Some people don't know that she has micro fractures in her heart, they simply don't care enough and measure her with their own coffee spoons, without even realizing that she has different sizes, different depths, different shapes. They don't realise she is different, she is fragile. Every bit of love they have, they give, they don't give, can kill her if used wrongly, and it doesn't really matter that they regret her little death afterwards, does it? It doesn't real...

As I said, I have always thought that if I leave the window open the whole sky will get in. And from the window I see people moving, loving, living. And I look to myself in the mirror, the shadow of the child I used to be, that little girl laughing within me, Trapped in the mirror. Outside the window there is a woman who has lived death, marriage, birth. And in my mirror there is no death, no marriage, no birth. There is nothing but extreme love and extreme pain. Is that life? Still my world, crumbled apart because of pain, a pain that blinded everything else for such a long time. From the window there is a man whose hands wants to caress me and love me and make me feel good, young and beautiful. He doesn't care I have a past, his eyes looks right into me and undress me of all my old skin, of all the past emotions I am still wearing. He is powerful and I am enchanted, will he be reflected in my mirror? And in the mirror instead Amie looks back at me, ...