Just Maybe Forse Ciao

I am beginning to understand that it is more about what you give each other rather than what other women take away from you and him. At any stage, would I have more of him if I was the only one? Would I want more of him? Would he have more of me or want more of me? Or rather, there is a maximum potential between the two of us that does not change no matter whether there are others or not? I wonder why I am never the one to get bored, to move on, I wonder why I end up wanting clarity so much when the other person doesn't. But no, I know why. Relationships, sex, love, for me always start and always stay in an eternal present. They might get into tiny drawers underneath the table surface I have in front of me, but they can easily go back to the surface - the drawers of those I have cared about even a little bit, never lock.  I wonder why I cannot be in grey areas without precisions. I cannot understand the silence unless it follows that precision. I cannot understan...

...You, be careful, as I know myself I treasure my solitude but I know what I want and I tend to persist. I am not patient, but I try, that is my biggest flaw I cannot stand  uncertainty  and waiting is painful for me I understand, however, the need for imprecision. I treasure imprecision,  as it allows surprise. I won't need you to save me I will want you to dig deeper in me I need your eyes and mind to find other parts of me in me. And I will want to do the same with you within you, for you. I cannot hurt myself to save you either and I need to preserve my individual spaces every now and then I cannot share everything and everywhere. I will be around you if not with you I will follow you where you ask me I will follow you into the abyss It might even take me an hour to fall in love and I believe that love can last in some, whichever, form forever If you believe in forever I can wait forever. I belie...

The Cheshire Smile Let go of all the things you know you should do let go of all the duties, the serious consequences  of what you once  committed to. You don't have to keep wanting something or enduring something just because you used to once. You can be happy, you know? By conciliating consequences, duties and dreams. I know consequences weigh you down. And you deserve to be with someone that makes your heart race and not because of habit, fear or blackmail but because of evolution  of feelings evolution of yourself, from the inside, kicking. You can kick, emotionally, it's all right. Let go of all the things you are bound to do you will do them in time, with time and patience you can do it all. And some of it requires tough choices difficult times, but you can do it nevertheless. If you let something go and you allow the dreams in what would you dream of? Don't wound your heart by imposing rules and pressures you do not need. Happiness t...

It takes an ocean not to break, sing The National. She is broken. In vino veritas, when we drink there is the true self. And all you say is magnified by that self that wants to set free. But we lie so much and so much better when we are sober that lies are our new reality instead and that is the reality we impose on others, calling it "necessity". Between laughter and forgetting how long does it take? How long is the journey from 'everything will be alright, let's smile' to 'you never existed, let's forget'? A couple of hours? A transoceanic flight? An overnight? A rollercoaster ride? She is enduring the quiet after the storm and she is lost in the unspoken the unsaid. This silence is not elegant, is not wanted, is forced upon her like the most shameful of the scarlet letters. Everyone knows now what she did and could have done and the first to blame her, it's him, deep down. The threats were real and have inf...

"Do I dare  Disturb the universe?  In a minute there is time  For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse" (T.S.Eliot).  Let's meet on the Tower Bridge you and I and then write down our wishes on a piece of paper let's then light up a candle or two the small ones, the birthday candles you know, a white one and a pink one, one for you and one for me on a small round apple tart. And burn the paper very quickly. Shall we dare to make that wish and then throw the ashes away on the Thames? Shall I dare to show you how romance to me is a pair of lenses I wear when not many can see me? Can you see me? The faces of me you watch changing? The red, the violet, the shy the uncertain and the sensual too? Can you then please smile at me, just smile at me forever please? With that smile of yours that makes your eyes transparent and clean and perfect. Do we dare understand this is more, way more than we can say? For some ...

Who is that stranger near me? This person here who likes me enough. This person I simply trust. The one I cannot touch This person who knows me very well and yet I wouldn't recognize his skin long forgotten but he smells familiar  and he is beautiful anyway. He is turning me into someone else he shows me things, he makes me curious he leads me where I don't dare to go where I need guidance and he doesn't even realize how precious that is for me and what that means to have me eat fried chicken and light up my intellect while listening to meaningless meaningful music at the same time. He doesn't know what I call intimacy. And overall that is  not a good thing, then I want more and there it all stops as the walls we both erected protect him and not me. And I have to start acting. Not a big deal, but I need to change the focus. When you act a part that you don't feel yours less spontaneous, less happy, less jumpy, less yo...