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Showing posts from June, 2021

My Pride, My Vanity and My Impostor Syndrome

Today I can't bring myself to start working. I pant and I pant some more, and I run and I run some more.  I am exhausted.  And if I stop, I will just be average, you see.  I cannot stop. I cannot be average.  I will disappear.  How to disappear.  If I disappear I will be even less deserving than I am right now.  Probably happier.  But I would have to explain my tricks. How did I get this far.  Today I stare at the wall.  There is something about the wall.  It's shining white.  It's plain.  It's clean.  It's normal.  It's just a wall.  No, it's not.  The distance between pride and vanity is the distance between a wall that is shining white and clean and a wall that is plain and normal.  I stare at the wall and once again, I crumble.  I am smoke and mirrors, most of the time.  I was smoke and mirrors yesterday when I was talking on the radio.  And the day before when I gave a big ...