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Showing posts from December, 2019

How To Be Happy

I watched myself fight against my own presence a stupid occupancy of space I have been annoyed at myself because I was even there attempting to shut myself up, I talk too much,  move a bit somewhere else, Anna,  get into the light at all costs come on, feel something else than randomness. I have been pretending I was not totally random.  I watched myself destroy the chances of serenity and normality, any sense of structure I yearned for.  I watched myself think I could not get any better than what I turned out to be and decided many times that I was not going to recover from pain from tiredness that I was doomed to be myself,  and I had no other choice than pretend to be extreme to be interesting. And look, I am extreme.  If extreme means that I dig even when there is no land remaining to dig.  God, I am extreme.  But digging more, into the nothingness at times, was always meant to allow for ra...