Just Maybe Forse Ciao

A plastic heart would just mildly beat would be silent and not noisy. A plastic heart would not mistake intimacy with love or intimacy with sex or sex with love. Intimacy as the deepest sense of us, the 'most inside' part of us would not need to mix with the 'most inside' part of him in a plastic heart. A plastic heart would just pump blood and take me from one day to the other checking that all my organs work properly. It wouldn't want to send pictures or songs it wouldn't want to hold hands and definitely it wouldn't need to talk to him or discover, once again, his eyes. Far from the noise of love a plastic heart would understand when he says he does not feel the same anymore. It would just keep on pumping blood. A plastic heart would not fear to see him go once and for all or dread the end of something that never began. A plastic heart would bring a silent love not a noisy mess of feelings without name. A silent...

I tried. To move at different rhythms. I tried to take a picture of myself  naked  from the inside out for you to feel unique. But every unique gesture towards you Turns out to be insignficant.  I was good once,  In our good times now I am just misunderstood. Don't pretend you don't know me Just because you do not see me. Don't pretend you don't love me Just because you cannot say it. And yet This is what losing last hopes and faith feels like. I cannot turn potential into reality. When there is such resistance.  I need to grow up. Grown-ups do not wait for a train at a closed station Just because they see the railways. I tried.  To believe I was not intruding. To believe I was connecting. This time,  I did not want to cry at Christmas.  If ever you need someone,  My love, That is clearly not me. Whatever you want from me Is not the same as whatever I want from you. Whatever you want You do not want me. Anna. Me. I never meant to...

The law of diminishing returns. If I invest more while other factors are held constant, the output will eventually decrease. I stay still. I can't avoid increasing my inputs for the fear of breaking something. The greatest bastard, that you are. The only one who never lets me go. The only one I can't forget. You never let go.  You wear your glasses -  Oh you look still so beautiful -  But you never run the risk to break them. Break something, please.  Just break something, make some noise, alter this equilibrium where everything is held the same. Don't be afraid of discovering that things might break. Surprise me. Break something  and then connect the pieces once again as never before. Letting go is not the same than pushing someone away.  Because silences become stones and stones becomes walls. And I cannot fight against walls, you wouldn't hear me.   - Can we play hide and seek?  - Yes, and ...