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Not gonna happen

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When two persons break up there is always some sort of a game of who is going to be the first one getting over it through meeting someone else.

No need to say I am the one who dies miserable, and the other person always recovers faster and better.

But in any case, the person who recovers faster and easier and better, can really be happy when also the other person finds a shadow of someone?

Can jealousy really be cut off that way? Even if one was never jealous, can the thought of another person in the ex-beloved-one's bed, be faced that smoothly?

Is it really true that when you find another love you'll soon wish that also the other person can soon be happy as you are?

Or is it just a way to soften the uneasiness felt because of the pain caused to the ex-beloved-one?

Could it be just a way to say 'Hey, now I don't need to feel responsible for her/his feeling so bad, now that she seemed to move on, I can stop feeling guilty, even if I will never admit I feel like that? Now that s/he met someone else, even if that person is a jerk or something, I can stop worrying for him/her and I can actually hope that in a good mood, s/he can get over me and us and also forgive whatever needs to be forgiven?'

I don't think that is gonna happen.

Comments

Noodles Homewood said…
Except very rare cases, my opinion is that when the other person finds "a shadow of someone" (scary expression anyway), the one who has been faster in recovering will realize that he/she has lost the other person.
Even if the new story is important and great, you feel lost anyway. Because you can never be 100% sure that you did the right choice and maybe, in a different moment and under different circumstances, he / she was the One.

Feeling less responsible is just a part of the story. Understanding that it is really finished is the biggest part.

Enjoy the moment and do not run after something that is gone. This is for me as well... :-)
11 September 2010 at 22:38
AnnaFullStop said…
I do not really have something to enjoy actually, it was just a nine days wonder, I discovered too soon, but that's for the better, I mean, honesty first of all, right?

Besides, my point was different, when a person, after a break up has someone else, I feel lost, but the OTHER person, with the someone is not, and if I found a shadow of a someone...well the other person will surely not feel like he lost me, but actually relieved, I guess, which is fair enough, but I would rather not know.
12 September 2010 at 00:36
Noodles Homewood said…
I bet this nine days wonder made you feel alive. This is cool and very important.

My answer was complicated and not explained very well. It was too late and I had my mind full of caos.

My point is that when I break with someone and she (in my case it is a she, in most of the cases...) finds another love, it has always been painful. Even if I am the one who decided to break. Because in that moment you went beyond the point of not return. And if you did a mistake, you have no ways to recover.

Maybe it does not happen to everybody or maybe not everybody is so humble to admit it. But this is what I feel. Because I think you can never know if things could be different or if she was the right one.
"The only winning move is not to play" (from "War games", 1983). Maybe the computer is right, but not about love.
12 September 2010 at 12:46
AnnaFullStop said…
UHM, but what if you are the first one meeting someone else? what if you are the one recovering faster then her? at that stage you should feel glad that she too has found someone, because you are happy with someone else?!?
I don't know, that is never my case...I am never the one recovering first!
12 September 2010 at 13:12
Noodles Homewood said…
Yeah I think I am expected to feel glad since she has found someone else but I doubt I would.
In any case, as it happens for you, I am usually the second one recovering.
12 September 2010 at 15:04
AnnaFullStop said…
Indeed, I wouldn't be able to feel glad, for a person that once I believed was my One, because he/she has someone else...neither when I am the first one recovering, nor if I am the second one, but I guess there are people who really move forward and really, being not jealous, can be happy for the other person's happiness...I just wonder, should that happiness be expressed? I don't think it's healthy to express it, it hurts the other person. Because it shows carelessness...it shows that the you ex is actually not only really over you, but also glad that it is over...I cannot stand it...
12 September 2010 at 15:10
Noodles Homewood said…
I would for sure keep my happiness for myself. Unless she comes to me saying "I want you to meet my One!".

That would propably kills me but that's another story...
12 September 2010 at 15:22
AnnaFullStop said…
ahahahhhahah please, let's hope no one tells me that, I could kill him!

Thing is I wouldn't be able to be really happy, probably on the surface I could ben, rationally I could be, because a part of you will always care for that person's well being and happiness...it is just that accepting that that person's well being doesn't depend on you anymore but on someone's else..well..that is quite the hardest part.
12 September 2010 at 15:30
Noodles Homewood said…
You have used a dangerous word: "depend". This is scaring for me.
You do not want someone else to depend on you.
If you are a kind of unfair person (which, btw, you do not apper to be) you will use this power to satisty your ego.
If you are a fair person you might end up in being unable to really make the best for you and for him because he depends on you. You might end up feeling responsible and taking decision based on the situation you are and not based on what is the best for both.

I look with terror to a past situation where I have tried, unintentionally, to made her dependent on me. This is flattering when everything is fine but it is terrible when things are not moving in the right direction.
I decided that making someone else dependent on you is just a matter of selfishness I do not wanna have anymore. Because one day you have to pay for what you did.

(I hope you do not take it personal, I am just writing what I felt and I am not judging anything you wrote or did. It is possible that you wrote "depend" as it was the first word that came to your mind...).

NH.
12 September 2010 at 15:39
AnnaFullStop said…
uhm, no, I see what you say, but it is not what I meant. I never was dependent on someone in that sense, neither the other person was dependent on me...what I meant is that at some point, when the other person has someone else, you have to accept that you play no part, you have no role in his/her happiness anymore...not in sense of dependance, mostly in a sense of 'I cannot anymore'... dipendere as in Italian :)
12 September 2010 at 15:46
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