Bad dreams are made of these

A nightmare

And I am sweat again in the middle of the night
at the centre of my bed,
the duvet upside down.

New Year's Eve
and no sound around me.
The solitude, once again,
is palpable.
Like all those years before last year.


How can the nightmares of the night
be worst of those in the day?

I cried this morning, again, in the bed.
Realising what I miss and how I will be feeling miserable
on New Year's Eve this year. Once again.
And how someone else will be happier instead.

**************** 

 How to get rid of these nightmares, I wondered.

1. Identify the cause of your nightmare: 

Easy, the loss.

2. Try and change the ending of the nightmare once awake:

I did it, there was someone else as miserable as me, because of a loss.

3. Make yourself the hero of the bad dream instead of the victim:

Sure, there is someone else who will die miserable on New Year's Eve because of my absence.

4. Try and understand that there is at least a 50%  of possibility that your nightmare will not become true:

My constant problem, thinking that everyone is better than myself and therefore, happier.

5. Try and do something fun when you wake up:

Sure, the only problem is that even the funniest thing ends at a certain point.


 

And I just realized that mine is not night terror, is not a nightmare.
It is a lucid dream, a lucid dream of what reality has become.

 
Split in two realities, one full of things I need to do,
the other full of things I couldn't care less of doing.

And no room for things I want or long for or miss.