- What's an aneurysm? - asked her.
- It's the progressive enlargement of an artery because there is an anomaly in your blood system.- answered him.
- Is it dangerous? - she was almost crying.
- It depends, sometimes it never reaches the explosion point, sometimes it explodes so soon that you don't even realize that. - replied him, a bit shattered.
- Can you cure it? - her tears bursting.
- I am pretending it is not there, you are just reminded of it whenever you have to take care of details, you cannot do something, cannot eat something else, you just have to pay attention to things you wouldn't pay attention to, normally... - he wanted to run away.
- Can I help you somehow? - she was begging him.
- No, leave, I am fine, really - he said coldly.****************
When the doctor told him about that he run out accusing her of being mad. He accused her of being wicked and wanting him to live an half-life with this nonsense.
He was feeling fine, one should feel something when he has an aneurysm right?!
He was keeping on living his life normally, without thinking to the diagnosis the doctor had done, because otherwise he couldn't be able to live anymore.
If he is lucky enough this aneurysm will never explode and he will keep on living almost normally, he will carry on with his life as if nothing happened, bound to do checks every now and then and renouncing to some of the things he used to love...
He will live with that terror, pushing it back to the bottom of his heart, knowing that an unexploded bomb is ticking within his brain and will be there forever.
But he will carry on, pretending it is nothing, it is unreal.
There is for sure the possibility that it will explode, one day, out of the blue, triggered by some stupid detail, even though he had been careful with a lot of other details, hiding them, protecting himself from everything, there is the possibility that the explosion arrives when he least expects it.
Chances are the explosion will come, one day or the other, and what will be the consequences, no-one can predict.
That is what happens when you choose not to deal with reality...explosion is even more devastating and likely to happen.
****************
But nevertheless, she is the one who can somehow help him to deal with all this, teaching him how to live every moment as a precious moment.
But she will probably never know that the aneurysm has exploded and she needs to stay distant from him, because she would be able to understand when the bomb is ticking faster before he even realizes that.
Comments
is that real or a metaphor? :(
What there are in common among all all of this?
Sadness, fear, desperation!
" It's a terror movie, david? "
" yes, it is "
" But I love him, I want to make him happy "
" So be prapared to hunt his ghosts "
" Ghosts? "
" At Some moment he will become aware that his relationship isn't a sea of wondrous. It is the reality moment for him.
He will not know how to deal with it, as they ever do. It is the explosion moment.
You will see all this happening, how to prevent each trouble to happen, how to deslocate his understanding about 'the reality moment' to the good moments you guys have together and not to the bads. It is the "someone who reads your soul" moment.
You will see his ghosts, his fear to fighting them back *But he will carry on, pretending it is nothing, it is unreal*, his unhappiness when he sees his inability to make himself better *He will live with that terror, pushing it back to the bottom of his heart* and you will feel desperated because you can do nothing to help him *she would be able to understand when the bomb is ticking faster before he even realizes that.*"
" and where are the ghosts, david?"
" everywhere! In his head, while his is falling into the darkness of his mind. In your head, after his death, when you feel guilty for everything have happened wrong!"
" so the ghosts will take my love from me? "
" Who knows? "
" I can't do nothing to prevent it? "
" well, you can pray, be pacient and be ready to fight at his side when you have some opening to do it "
" there is something more that I can do? "
" don't blame yourself if everything goes wrong. Wasn't your fault his diseases or ghosts or whatever he had, the same way that wasn't your fault if he chose to stay with the dark beings of his mind instead of you "
" some last word for me? "
" Why 'last word'? Will you run away from me? "
" No, but we need end this conversation. It is a comment, not a post in case you do not realized! "
" oh yeah, it's truth, sometimes I get excited....hammm....well, at least in your case you always will have me to talk, to yell and to blame if things don't went as you had expected :D
Your comment is sensible and deep as usual...so what can I comment back?!
"At Some moment he will become aware that his relationship isn't a sea of wondrous", the girl of the post, as much as she want to be there for him cannot be present to this moment, if an explosion is meant to be it will not involve her anymore...
i am not sure I understand what you mean by 'someone who read your soul moment'.
In this post the guy with the aneurysm pushes away the girl because she reminds him of his problem, of everything he needs to bury to keep living, so she will not be there for him to help him to deal with the explosion and everything else that follows. He has chosen to stay alone in that and he will need to substitute her to with someone else because he does not want to live a life in pain with someone by his side forcing him to face the truth day by day and live with regrets and sorrow.
His ghosts, and his terror are not her business anymore, because the girl has been asked clearly to leave and she will be bound to live praying for him to be safe and fine and healthy but she'll never know how does he feel, or if something goes wrong within him.
She is aware of his power and she is aware he cannot stand that power, therefore she must leave him as he pleases.
The explosion, she will hear about that only if it is loud enough, brave enough, daring enough, things that he is not, not loud, not brave, not daring.
She will blame herself for not knowing how to deal with that, and she will blame herself for being so incomplete...but you are right, it is not her fault if he chose the other side.
and of course I have you..and you are the most precious <3