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If I had to die tonight

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If I had to die tonight,
there would not be things I wish to say.
I said it all.

I said it all to him,
to them,
to myself.

If I had to die tonight, 
there would be things I've always wished to do
and I didn't, out of fear, out of despair.

I never went to Asia,
I never made a trip on my own.
I have never been loved inconditionally,
I have never made love to someone with a different skin colour.

I have never drunk absentium.
I have never seen the dawn on a beach.
I have never swimmed naked.

I have never made love in the water.
I have never seen the ocean.
I have never seen forests or jungles,
I have never left Europe.

I have never read books that should be read.
I have never understood why I cannot be like the rest of the people.

If I had to die tonight
would people miss me?
Would someone cry for more than a couple of days?
Would he cry?
And that other person there?
And what about all my love?

Will it be lost forever?
Will it be given to someone else instead?
Will it be saved and given to whoever is the right recipient?

If I had to die tomorrow,
where would my dreams go?

If I had to die tomorrow 
I would fall in love with you right now.
Once again.
Don't say a word.


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Comments

Santiago said…
You have put the video of "Veronika decides to die" at the end of your post. The scene is great but I think in a moment like the one you are living you should better concentrate on the last sentence of the movie.

Veronika attempts to suicide and Mr. Blake take care of her. At the end, once she has left his hospital without approval, he writes:
“In a few more days, I’ve anticipated telling Veronika that our injections had cured her heart condition. But in light of her unexpected departure from Villete, my telling that particular lie will not be required. The majority of people who attempt suicide repeat their attempt until they succeed. I took a risk in lying to her about her condition. I decided to test the only remedy I’ve come to have faith in: The awareness of life.
Until she finds out from some other doctor that she’s perfectly healthy, she’ll consider each day as a miracle. Which in my view, it is.”

Be aware. Keep living, don't settle.
24 December 2010 at 12:49
AnnaFullStop said…
<3

I know...but I just love that scene...of course the whole meaning of Veronika decides to die lies in that phrase you posted, but the powerfullness of the scene I posted is too great..and right now apart from willing to be able to consider the awareness of life each day, I would also love to live this kind of scenes..I would love to live this fullness.
24 December 2010 at 13:08
Anonymous said…
It would be a pitty if you died today at night!
You may have told, perhaps, all about what you've lived until now.
But and all the other things you mentioned here, things that are expecting you to discover them at some point.So many verses they will inspire to you, so many loves they will make you sing: to the air, to the stars, to him and, why not, to me?
At least I would die a little more happy if it was granted to me to die after you have poeticized about all you said here :)
24 December 2010 at 23:47
AnnaFullStop said…
David...you are just adorable...
Sooner or later, I will poeticize about that all...if ever.
25 December 2010 at 00:11
Shankar said…
I've always asked myself this question - if I ever died, would...

:)
29 December 2010 at 13:40
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