Authenticity is lost

"Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion."

(Dylan Thomas) 

Pleasure.
Death.
Rage.
Tenderness.
Intermingled.
You can barely distinguish one from the other.

You remember all of a sudden,
in an endless night
why you are struggling between the feeling to know someone
like the back of your hand
and the hurting feeling to not know him at all.

That person who still holds the real you.

Should you trust yourself?
Should you just ignore it all?

Contaminated after the end of a love where you poured your entire soul.

Infected.
Tainted.

Polluted.

Corrupted.

Authenticity is lost.

No caress, no smile, no run or walk or move

nothing looks original anymore.

No song, no whispering love words, no promises

nothing sounds authentic anymore.

Feeling dirty, as if a ray of black light
crossed your whole body
and you cannot be white and pure and clean anymore through love
as you once were.

Authenticity is lost,
while you strive to trust another 'him',
but you don't let him enter, how can you?
as you try to tell yourself time will fix it all,
as you try to get convinced
that soon enough you'll get away from black.

And you know that time can only give you the illusion
that what you have always believed,
that "though lovers be lost, love shall not" is not true.

Just a mere illusion,
while you face the loss of your authentic feelings
and there's nothing you can do.