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In the future

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By Professor Anna Sergi
And maybe the reason is that you treated me like we were something when we were still nothing.

And this is why I cannot let go. I am treating you like we are something when we are just nothing.




And then you might ask why the anger and the frustration, you might wonder why there is so little in between breathlessness and silence for me. You might ask why I hold on to my wonderful world of magic.

 You are not disappointing, you did disappointed me though. I do not hold it against you. I am sure you disappoint yourself, like I constantly disappoint myself. I forgive myself and you. I hope you can do the same.

 The strength you would have needed to own your own mess, the strength you would have needed to handle the aftermath of our quick jump from nothing to something and then nothing again, do you have it?

 Because I had to develop that strength and I am not sure I am doing a great job.

 I miss all the something we could have been. I know, I know, it sounds cheesy and corny and possibly even look like I am delusional. I swear to you, I am quite rational.  

 But is it normal that I still dream that in the future we can reverse our nothingness into somethingness again? Does this sound so very weird to you?

 In the future, maybe I can breathe slower and you can find the strength to talk to me while smiling again.

 In the future maybe you will finally act upon that instant connection we had and just take some time to explore what we could be.

 In the future maybe I will stop taking your silence as a personal rejection of all of me. 

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