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Seen

I have always thought that being an exhibitionist meant being self centered. I have always thought that I was self centered because I was an exhbitionist and viceversa. And it turns out I was wrong. Such is the power of the other person for an exhibitionist like me, such importance holds their approval and their contact and their excitement for me that they become the centre, not me. In dreams begin responsibilities? 

The Man in the Attic is not the Man in the Attic anymore and I am not sure who he will become. Perhaps something better.






I am scared.

I am scared this was eventually also going to happen with the Man with the Cheshire Smile. I am scared whatever he felt was just a transfer of some fantasy on me. I am scared this is what is behind the silence. 


I feel like I am tired to be watched as an entertainment , behind a glass window that people open to show others as well. When no-one can actually  love me, not in the way I intend love.

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