Suspension.
It is that state you find yourself in
when nothing is enough anymore.
When you want more
and more is delayed.
London,
that was the safe haven,
today is violent and spills blood
over my shaking consciousness.
New York,
is far and lost.
Without a purpose, it does not exist, anymore.
Italy,
never ceases to appeal and disappoint.
There is a feeling
of nostalgia
of something that I lived.
But too short too little
and now it's growing rooting feeding in me
and doesn't let go of me.
Like that first moment you just met
the person you will fall in love with
and afterwards the details of that first encounter
will look like china dolls, just perfect.
Uneasy with feelings in the present
feelings of an untrustworthy heart,
and missing the feelings of the past
those not reciprocated
and the feelings of the future
those suffocated before they could show their true face.
Suspension.
It is when you want something more
and yet you are afraid of what you might get.
When you wait for a message
an email, a phone call, a sign
at every rising sun
waiting for someone to change his mind
for someone else to miss you
for him to find the attraction to you
once more.
When you want to be surprised again
when you need to feel the sublime again
and the more you look around
the less you are likely to find it
in the familiar
and you miss it
and you miss him
and you never knew him.
It is not the same anymore
and you know it
you feel it in every vein of your body.
You maintain your calm when every day goes by
and nothing has changed,
inside you scream
but those screams
you learned how to ignore by now.
Suspension.
It is what you feel
when you almost wish to fall,
out of that wishful patient balance
you trapped yourself into.
Comments