Devotion & Domination

Devotion hurts.
Cause the heart chooses to be devoted when devotion was promised and not delivered.
My heart at least. The more devotion is missing, the more the heart is devoted.

Could I simply walk away from this?
Can I simply stop?
Can I be who I am, that dominant person everyone sees but him, can I be that person on demand once again, tomorrow?

Can I walk away from a sick game of self destruction and self indignation?

The woman I am, put on trial by love, she lost, I lost the attitude that attracts and the same that hinders progression in love.

I should be who I was to become who I want to be tomorrow.
And I lost it, cause of devotion to the submissive self of the man I had the curse of falling in love with.

The Dominant woman I used to be, that woman that has allured him and others in a scenario of lust and mistery, does she exist at all, or is it just an illusion to trigger the lust of every man?

Devotion will not save me. It will not be a substitute for that dominance, that attitude, that strength I once had?

And I wonder when did this happen, that a woman like me got wrapped up in this clingy attitude, in this other person I am not, and I wonder, I do wonder if it is devotion that creates this monster, changing powerful and strong-willed women into insects crawling on the floor. I wonder if there is a relation between a strong attitude and the ability to feel pain, refusal and sorrow. The stronger the former, the greater the latter. And if there is this ability then it is the wrong type of devotion that fuels it. That devotion given to a man who doesn't like himself and doesn't know how to stop gambling with my feelings. A man who took the woman I was and that conquered him and changed it into a puppy, without a real soul, without a clear path, just to dehumanise me, in order for him to be easier to throw me away, to get the illusion it was because I am not enough.

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