Just Maybe Forse Ciao

They say that when you meet the One you feel it, deep inside of you, something tingles. You try to suffocate  it because there is no way you can be right, after all the times you have been wrong. And certainly he is not the One. He can't be, he will try to escape, from you, from commitment, from intimacy, from proximity. They say that there is a moment, in everyone's life, when you know that you need to fight. And fight harder for a love, or something really similar to love, that is slipping away, that is not blossoming as it should. What happens, when do you know when is the right time to start fighting? Perhaps when do you feel that he is the One? Or when is it that you let it go instead and accept that it is over? They say that the more you grow up the more you learn to know what you like and what you will never like. They say that at some point you are bound to find people who seems to be the right ones and are not, just because of the circumstances. So...

She moved around in the corridors, holding the wall, softly covered in a cream colour which made everything look elegant and sophisticated. She felt sexy in her black laced lingerie, she walked in the room where they were all busy bodies and the smell of sex the banality of an orgy when the expectations are over and they just consume the act. Different breasts and researched lingerie, she had got used to it already and she looked at him who wasn't yet ready and at him who was too much and yet could not join the party. She was wearing a purple dress, a V-neck purple dress, deep and sexy - she thought - cause after all she wanted to be seen, wanted, admired... and she was. She wondered how far could she go. Could she really have sex with strangers then come back and call him and just enjoy the joy of that perverted fantasy? Would she be able to be that careless femme fatale, who would take off her clothes and stand there with her sexy lingerie and her hig...

When he says he is not ready, will he ever be? Should you wait and see, or should you go before it's too late and you start bleeding? What remains trapped between heart and stomach, those words you cannot say out loud, that sickness which wins you over all the times that something does not go as it should go. Between heart and stomach the quest for love to quench the thirst of all those things you know he will never give you or anyone else. And instead of letting go you trap all your knot of emotions for him for that kind of love, companionship, partnership, union, communion you have always wanted all trapped inside, in that place you never truly access between heart and stomach, everything goes there, everything you can't deal with, the unwanted emotions, the inappropriate reactions, the violations of etiquette and your being too much too soon. Between heart and stomach goes what you want to believe in, you can't move it, you just want to bel...

When someone doesn't ask you to make a choice, is that really a choice? When life ask you to take a position, to do the right thing, if such a thing exists at all, when you reach the point when you can't take it anymore, when you know you need to make a change, you need to leave that behind, cause it is poisoning you, cursing you, it's affecting your work, your life, your mind, your body. Do you really have a choice? Is that really a choice when on one side you still dream of him his clumsy words, his clumsy feelings - those he doesn't even know he has, let alone express them - and on the other side you see someone else whom you clearly cannot even recognise? Is that really a choice when you are not his best personalised emotion and all he asks of you is practically nothing at all. As if you struggled to gain the best seats for the show and then the show get cancelled and the tickets are not refundable. When all he asks is not a choice, but si...

Checking the phone every 5 minutes at first, then every hour, then pretending not to check it, then checking it once every 3-4 hours. You expect a call that day after day you don't even remember why he should call in the first place, why, when he already said he wouldn't. You try and remember what he said last time...no no no..wait..the content of the last message, maybe you missed out something, maybe he meant more than what he said. And then realising you are just fooling yourself, because you know he meant just what he meant and there is nothing you can add that was really possibly inside his mind. Nothing at all, you are not in his mind. You try to tell yourself it's over and to believe you can move on. And you can, why not, you just don't want to really, why would you, wrapped up in that future with him you will never get to live. And you are hurt as you didn't even know you could be right now, not after your heart went in pieces in Amsterdam, not again. And th...

One possibility in a million is not enough anymore. I wanted to chase it, I wanted to chase you but sure without casting my jealous heart into a stone nothing can be done, really, right? And I won't be able to please myself with that possibility in a million that you will be looking this way one day. Even though you are, you have been, one in a million. Not when this distance you impose destroys every heart-shaped desire I might have of you. I don't trust you, no, I don't. I think every woman is bound to love you and I think you will sleep with each and everyone of them just because you can. No, I don't trust that possibility in a million that is all I can beg - not even ask, beg -for. When all your pictures show places I don't know, moments I have not lived and persons I have not met, when I realise that I will never know your moves, your emotions, your tears while dripping yourself in the snow, this winter. And those blonde ones, th...

You believe you have everything under control, don't you? You believe you cannot fall this time, you won't be hurt, you won't allow yourself to go down that way, not again. You set some rules, not to fall, not to lose control, cause you don't have the right mindset, and it's not the right time, is it? Cause it seems he knows much better than you do what's expected and what's too much, and all you can do is comply to your desire not to lose your mind and heart, also, on the way. Just remember, you can avoid it, sure you can, everyone does, everyone who, unlike you, manages to block feelings, and doesn't hit the ground., everyone who, like him, feels it's not the time, it's not worth it, it's not the right way of living. Cause love alters you, and all you need is not to feel the alteration which makes you a different person, a worse version of yourself no-one really likes, surely not him, surely not even you with him. Thes...