Just Maybe Forse Ciao

March has arrived. And spring is near.  This is the deadline. For this emotional rollercoaster I have allowed for too long. March will bring a new smile and a new pair of eyes close to his. The ones he will love the most forever, no matter what. March is right outside  and I have become music. I have made my step. Forward. Towards. I have put all I can feel into the sound of a music box playing a lullaby to soothe the soul and the rough edges of this whole story. I have done my part afraid to have overstepped,  but I hope it shows him  that I care, still, and that he can trust me, still. Not sure why it still matters that he knows he can. When he has done nothing to show me I can trust him instead I don't know why it is important That he can play the music. That he can touch an object I have touched so that somehow I can be there with him in this important moment...  without saying a word,  not sure why it still matters, all ...

I do not feel the end on my skin. I will see you again I will speak to you again and something is going to happen. All of this, our encounter, your silence, my writing all of this is not all there is. Pay attention, things are not what they seem,  not here where I write not there where you are and keep your silence. There is more,  there was more since the beginning.  Not because I think you are the man of my dreams - I barely know you - but because I always seek magic and a magic love and when it happens that it crosses my path - it nearly never did to me, and never this way -  I cannot ignore it Do you understand that this all comes from that? I have chosen, yes, to indulge in the essence of our too few instants and I have chosen not to let this go. I could have, but as you did do it, I couldn't do it too, you see? One of us needed to hold on to it. And you can call me crazy,...

If you made a decision which makes you happy If your decision, however difficult, eventually was the right one and you will stick to it, because it is the right thing to do still. Then why wouldn't you say it? Why wouldn't you say the obvious thing to say That, as you told me many times those days,  you wished we met earlier, yes. But eventually we didn't. And now you are and will be with the one you love, the one you have chosen.  You are taken.  And we wouldn't match anyway maybe on second thought Or the timing was not right, you know, the child,  Or whatever you felt is not enough to challenge the love for the family you have and want to keep. It is such a normal thing to say. Why wouldn't you just say that? Why was it so difficult to say it? As I will keep saying until I can breathe, I did not ask you to break the bond or the family or renounce to your love. But I expected to create another bond you and I, another f...

There is this psychological study called the Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness conducted in 1997 in the USA, it is known as the falling in love questionnaire. (it can be found here with the questionnaire at the end as appendix -->  https://psychodramaaustralia.edu.au/sites/default/files/falling_in_love-aron.pdf ) People just ask each other various sets of questions, and you know it gets tough to share so much with someone so intensely. If I could ask the universe anything at this point, this is what I would ask. To have the chance to do this with him, one day, at some point, no rush, but please!  Like a summer day in nature, just sitting somewhere, listening to "Chasing Cars" and ask each other questions. And now that I am at it, imagining it, I can be daring and say that if some day he wants to talk to me again he is going to do it by asking or answering one of these 36 questions, obviously from the three sets of the Closeness Generati...

What if I was just an excuse For him to get some awareness Move on and meet the woman of his dream Or fix her  back into the woman of his dreams as she clearly already was at some point in life. What if I was the experiment? The challenge to overcome. And if I was, is that a good reason to cut me off completely  As if I never existed? Am I really that difficult to keep around? When really I never wished him the pain of separation from his life, not at all,  all I asked for was to talk to him and see him change,  being close, being friends even at some point. and see pictures of the revolution of his life in the next weeks.  Is that so crazy? I guess it is. And now I cannot overcome the rejection not as a lover, but as a person.    My hunger for words to express myself and my internal struggles and pleasures In lyrics, in songs, in music In literary excerpts in poetry In the magic of tarots Hungry for wor...